Lions and Tigers and Garcias, Oh My!

We had a rare Saturday last month where we had absolutely nothing planned. It was really nice for Ramon and I to wake up and wonder about all the possibilities for our family with no practices to go to, no parties to attend, no trips out of town planned. It also happened to be the first weekend that the temperature was NOT 100 kajillion degrees outside. What to do? What to do? Ah Ha! A couple of months earlier- back in June- one of the parents from Sophia's softball team had given us free tickets for our entire family to the Dallas Zoo- including tickets to ride the monorail- SWEET! We packed the backpack, dressed the kids in comfy clothes, threw the stroller into the Yukon and away we went!

I was really excited to see the new Savannah exhibit that the zoo opened up earlier this year. Let's face it, the Dallas Zoo needed a face lift- it's really no secret. I was not disappointed! So happy to see that the elephants, giraffes and lions had some land to move around in. Before- they lived in these little matchbox sized pens- so depressing!

One of the highlight was feeding the giraffes- they just walked right up to us! So graceful! After we saw the lions, we rode the monorail around the new exhibit. We kept on making jokes about it getting stuck and then about three weeks later, we heard on the evening news that it did actually stop midway- full of people- who had to wait HOURS to be rescued.

On our way out- we stopped by the children's area where the kids were allowed to dip their toes into the water. Well, at least, that was my idea at the beginning. By the time we were done, both Diego and Carlos were soaking wet! Note to self- the next time we go to the zoo in warm weather- we are bringing swimsuits.

All in all, it was a great day trip- the kids had a blast and Ramon and I have great memories stored up. Thanks to our friend for the tickets!

THE BEST PAWTY EVUH!!!

... well, that's the way my four year old said it, anyway! Our little man Diego turned 4 in September (yes, I'm just a little bit behind here!) and boy, by the time kids turn 4, they totally understand what a birthday is all about. I mean, at 1, the party is more for the parents than for the birthday boy/girl. At 2, it's a good reason to get all of your playgroup together to celebrate but for the most part, again, the kid is completely oblivious. At 3, they start to put some things together that lets them know that something exciting is going on, but what that something is, they still don't quite know. But by the time the fourth birthday comes around, they GET IT. Big Time!!! We had a countdown with his calendar in his room- counting down each day until his party. He really wanted to have it at our house, complete with a pinata and water balloons, but I knew that a party at ASI would be a blast. And boy, was it ever!!! It was a Cars II themed party because like most little boys, Diego is obsessed with all things Lightening McQueen. Normally, I don't mind getting the house all decorated for a party but this time, I wanted to just sit back and enjoy the guests running around. I did the cake, though, and have to say for myself that I am really please at the way it turned out. After 40 minutes of playing in the gym, the yummy fruit kabobs and chex mix were a hit. Then, he got his requested chocolate cake. The best part of the day, to me, is when Diego just randomly screamed out, "This is the BEST PAWTY EVUH!".

My sweet Diego- words cannot express how proud I am to be your mommy. From the second you wake up and walk into the kitchen with your bedhead hair to the moment when you close your eyes after I sing to you goodnight- you are a special light in my life. I hope to celebrate many, MANY birthdays with you.

10 Years Later

I posted on FB a couple of days ago that I had to explain 9/11 to Sophia and Diego for the first time. She had to wear red, white or blue in honor of the 10th annivesary of our nation's tragedy. It was a really hard conversation to have with a six and three year old. I found myself tearing up as I told her about the "people with evil in their hearts" who took over the planes. I told them about the brave firemen who rushed up those two towers to save all the people trapped with nowhere to go. I described how the passengers of Flight 93 sacrificed their lives to avoid the plane hitting our nation's capitol. Now, keep in mind, I kept it child-friendly yet my voice caught countless times and I had a hard time looking into their sweet innocent faces. It went over Diego's head, and for the most part, Sophia seemed to have a hard time grasping it all, but I do think the she could sense my sadness and that it was a horrible time for our country. Something changed in her eyes for a brief second and I thought to myself,"I just busted her innocent world bubble." I hated being the one to do it, but who better but me? I always want their worlds to be all bubble gum and confetti but that is not reality. Afterwards, I felt this heaviness in my heart and I couldn't really pinpoint why until this morning. 9/11 is a day that changed our country and our world. But personally, that is when MY innocent world bubble was broken. That is when I realized evil truly existed. That war and danger and death were a reality here in USA and not just on some remote country that I saw on the nightly news. That the choice to be a hero when there is so much to sacrifice needed to be made. So many questions. I remember going to our apartment after work and turning on the TV and just crying. And crying and crying. Ramon was with me bc they made all who worked downtown leave work in fear of attacks around the country. Not a man to show much emotion, he sort of just sat there with this glassy-eyed expression as we saw hundreds of people walking across the Brooklyn Bridge- trying to get to their loved ones. I called my dad who, to me, is the voice of all reason and just asked WHY??? It was the one and only time he didn't have an answer for me.
Today, on September 10, 2011, I went for a run in the morning. The weather was crisp and cool- you could smell fall coming. Our neighborhood is decked out with American Flags and just looks so beautiful. In the quietness of the morning, in the beauty of the sunlight, I thought about how grateful I am to live in this country, to raise my children, especially my daughter, here in the land where anything is possible. I said a little prayer, thanking those who have given their lives for me. For my babies. I said a prayer for those innocent souls who, for them, Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2001, was just another work day in NYC and D.C., just another day to take a flight back to their families and loved ones. For me, it was just another day teaching first graders. I left work a different person that day. I will never be the same. 9/11 made me grow up and still, ten years later, I'm reflecting how it changed me and what changes I have yet to make.

Ummm. Ew.

I wrote my post about potential a couple of days ago as I was going through this internal struggle about staying at home vs. feeling the need to work. I thought I would sit on it before I posted it. Then I had my annual nightmare. For the past 12 years, I have had nightmares that begin around the end of July and continue till, oh, around Labor Day. They all revolve around the beginning of school. Sometimes I will have a dream that my classroom is a total wreck and the kids are about to come in for the first time. Or I'll have a dream that I can't find important paperwork or data for a meeting. I'll dream about being locked in at school, losing it at a presentation, hellion kids screaming around the hallways, being late on the first day. I've even had a nightmare where I had a "wardrobe malfunction" at work. Last year I had the dreaded nightmare- like clockwork- but when I woke up, I just laughed and sighed with relief bc woo hoo! - I didn't have to go to work!!!
But this year, the dream was different. It was a Back to School dream, yes- but not at all like the ones before. This time, in my dream, Sophia and Diego were just about to come home from their first day of school. They get home and we are having our afternoon snack when Sophia starts complaining that her head itches. I look underneath her hair at the nape of her neck and there I find the all these lice eggs- huge, white eggs that are wiggling and jiggling around. I'm talking mutant-like lice eggs that were about an inch long and kind of transparent. Then I see these claw like jaws bite through the eggs. Ew! Then Diego starts scratching at his head and he has lice also!!!!! Just thinking and writing about this horrible dream has me itching all over!!
Thankfully- the alarm clock went off and I escaped the nastiest dream I have ever had. It didn't take me long to realize, however, that my subconscience has begun to transition with my conscience... I am no longer at teacher. I am a mom. A mom with a terrible fear of lice!

Potential

That's a heavy word. POTENTIAL. What is your potential? What is mine? Have I been living up to it? Lots of people have asked me how I have transitioned from being a working mom to a stay at home mom. Honestly, I was so sleep deprived last summer and into the fall that I couldn't even think about the change. It just happened. I truly enjoyed my first year "off" of working. Now I'm getting the question from various people: Soooooo, when do you think you're going back to work? Just like that. With all those o's dripping off the end of the word "so". It made me wonder if I should be thinking about going back. I even had to sit down and ask Ramon if I even NEEDED to think about going back. Can you say "paranoid"???

I guess I started to question if others saw me as slacking off- not doing my part in contributing to the finances. I don't want to be seen as the woman who lives off her husband's salary when she is perfectly capable of working herself. Now, I know I shouldn't give a rat's hiney about what others think about me, but after getting that question several times, it just made me wonder. I have two diplomas hanging on my wall in the office. And as embarrassing as it is to admit it, I'm not going to lie- I've looked at the list of principals my district currently has and think to myself- that could've been you, Ana. YOU could be doing x,y,z and making $$$ to go towards college funds, a newer car, a bigger house, etc. And, of course, there is a HUGE part of me that really misses all those kids who I've taught. There's a lot of work to do out there.... lots of minds to teach, lots of hearts to counsel, lots of kids to lead to better choices. Have I squashed my potential? I see lots of need out there. Many times I have thought to myself that I really need to master Spanish and become an advocate of some sort for Spanish speaking families dealing with Autism. There's just SO. MUCH. NEED.

And then I look into the eyes of my children. Sophia's brown curious eyes. Diego's big expressive eyes. Carlos' sweet innocent eyes. And I see my potential. And I'm brought down to the realization that I am where God has called me to be- with my little ones. They are my potential. They are my focus and I will not feel inferior again. I will not allow myself to feel as though I am not contributing to this family ever again. I will direct all my ambition and potential onto my children- all my love onto them because they need me here. And then when Ramon and I feel that they are fine without me at home- then I will meet my potential "out there". The fire is not out of me- it's just directed towards being the best stay at home mom I can be.

Puerrrrto Rrrrrrico

We had an AMAZING first family trip to Puerto Rico! Actually, the family wasn't complete because we left Carlitos home with my mom- which was a killer for me- but during the week we were gone- I completely realized that it was the best thing for us. Family vacations are a new thing for us. Growing up- we didn't go on family trips. No lake houses, no beach trips, never been skiing. I think my family went to Disney Land when I was little- there is a picture of me floating around hugging some Robin Hood character- but I don't remember it. Ramon's family went on trips- week long car trips to the mountains of Mexico to visit grandparents where the only way to get to the house you had to ride a mule. Leaves for toilet paper- that kind of thing. NOT a relaxing vacation. We've been wanting to take the kids somewhere but wanted to wait until Diego was a little bit older. Well, the timing was perfect. We chose to stay at El Conquistado Resort and it was so family friendly. After a day of flying and traveling, we arrived at the hotel in the late evening so the kids didn't get the full effect of seeing the ocean up close for the first time until the next morning. My favorite quote of the vacation was when I opened the balcony door, Diego said, "Mommy! Look at that swimming poool!" Sweet thing- he was pointing at the ocean!

We spent the first day in the pool and then getting to know our surroundings. The second day was BEACH DAY! The resort has a private island with a really sweet beach. To see my kids play in the sand, find shells and explore the shallow ocean water was a beautiful thing. It makes me so grateful that we are able to provide these kinds of experiences for our children. If you take your family on vacations every year, or if you have memories of going with your own parents as children, please, PLEASE don't take it for granted. I don't know if it was for financial reasons that my parents didn't take us places or if it was my father's health- maybe a little of both. I KNOW that Ramon's family would never have been able to fly to a beach and stay at a resort back then. I really don't want to get on a soapbox about it right now but it really hit me- what a blessing it is to be able to bring my children to a tropical paradise and to experience the world beyond Dallas, Texas. Did you know that there are children in Dallas who have never been downtown? That seeing the skyscapers is like leaving the state or country?

Okay- I went way off subject.... sorry!

The beach- they loved it! Sophia was so determined to find a starfish but had to settle for shells, coral and hermit crabs. Diego just wanted to splash in the water and dig in the sand. Ramon buried them in the sand and that was so funny! I,of course, just took advantage of not having to change diapers, clean the kitchen, fold laundry, and sat out in the sun reading on my Kindle! Just what this busy mama needed! Oh-and yummy beverages made it even better! We also took a walking tour of Old San Juan, which was just breathtaking. The colors of all the building were so vibrant and the architecture just took us back into history. We toured one of the island's forts and the kids really got into the history of Puerto Rico- especially at the mention of pirates! Boy, did we ever do some walkng that day but my two troopers kept up with us. I was so proud of how well they did because walking through the streets of Old San Juan was really more for Ramon and I- not a quite a kid-friendly day trip. We spent the last two days going back to the beach and spending time at the pool. We considered going to the rainforest but we were afraid that the kiddos wouldn't be able to "hang" with all the hiking. I was a little bummed about not going bc I knew they would've seen and heard animals not native to Texas and give them a better background of what a rainforest is all about. But the memories we made swimming with the kids in the ocean and playing with them at the pool will stay with us forever. Now, a month after the trip, it's neat to hear them talk to each other about Puerto Rico. "Hey, Sophia, remember when we saw the hermit crab?" "Yeah, and Diego remember when we hear the Coqui frog at night?" They want to go back and take Carlos with us. Well, actually, Diego really wants to go back because he REALLY enjoyed the buffet breakfast at the resort! Ha! My scrawny, petite little one chowed down on donuts, toast, bacon, sausage, fruit and all the cereal his little tummy can hold. And, of course, by the end of the 5th day in Puerto Rico, I was ready to come home to my Carlos. My arms were aching to hold him and I was missing his warm-I-just-woke-up-from-a-nap- breath on my neck. The plane ride home was long and rough (we had to be at the airport at 6:30 in the morning! GASP!). There is no place like home- especially when you have your sweet baby waiting for you. But we will hold Puerto Rico in our hearts because it was our first real family vacation. Now, the question is: Where to go next year?

Oh, this child!

I'm the youngest of three. I have two older brothers who are eight and ten years older than me. So I don't really have to put it out there, but I had it pretty sweet in terms of birth order. I was not only the baby, I was also the princess. My husband, on the other hand, in number 3 of 4. Right in the middle. He speaks of the horrors (I'm exaggerating just a little) of being the middle child. I look at our Diego and wonder if he feels any of that middle child syndrome business. Does he feel ignored, unimportant, passed over? I'll admit that he has a lower number of pictures compared to Sophia and Carlos. Ugh- I feel horrible about that. But man o man, this child of mine has such a personality. His huge eyes just express so much! He cracks me up constantly. He walks with such confidence and talks to people he meets at the grocery store like they're his best friends. When we are out and about, I hear people commenting to each other about my lil man- "Oh, he's so cute!" "Look at that little boy and his head of hair!" "He's going to be something else when he grows up". I seriously almost had to have words with these two ladies who would not stop talking about him. We were at the Fort Worth Stockyards and Diego was busy playing with his brand new corkscrew shotgun and I overheard them talking about him. Then they just kept going... "He's so handsome. Look at him. He's going to be gorgeous when he grows up. Look at him strut around. He is really cute." And on and on. It was kinda creepy. Diego is on the petite side but he will walk up to a group of first/second graders- start chasing them and stand up for himself. He doesn't back down. I love how he demands attention from those around him. I don't want him to ever feel ignored, unimportant, passed over. So here are my favorite Diegoisms that make me smile:

*Mom, I'm super duper hungwy.

*What would happen if a giant (insert whatever scenario you want here)- his favorite is what would happen if a giant stepped on us.

*Mommy- I don't ever want you to leave me because then I'll cwy.

* HEY- LOOK AT ME!

*When I gwow (grow) up, I'm going to be a hospital doctor. And Spiderman.

* Watch my head!- this he says when he is jamming out to hip hop while strapped into his car seat. His body can't move but he wobbles that head to the beat. Looks like a bobble head!

* Oh MAN! Not again!- to this he adds the open palmed hand slap to his forehead.

*Bubble bubble bubble guppie guppie guppies- his new fav show.

* I like shocolate. Lots and lots of shhhhhocolate.