Saying goodbye to my two friends

Okay. So if you really don't want to read about my thoughts on breastfeeding, then I'm giving you fair warning to stop reading this right now. Seriously. Right. Now.


I'm in mourning. My body has naturally weaned Carlos from breastfeeding. I was really trying to make it one full year but my boobs said NO MORE!!! I'm the type of person who once I have a goal in mind, I fully intend to committ to it and achieve it. So the fact that my body has gone behind my back and shut down the milk factory before I was mentally prepared really gets on my nerves. It all started in April when I could not get Carlos to sleep for more than 3 hours and it dawned on me that I wasn't producing as much as before. I tried to pump more, tried to feed him more and made sure I was drinking enough water but nope...it just slowed down. I know I could have tried some supplements but my mind just rationalized that Carlos would be one in just two months, so I should go ahead and start to wean him. But I just hate listening to my mind when my heart is kicking and screaming, not wanting to have this come to an end. Again, if I could have another baby, this wouldn't bother me so much but I'm not going to have another one. I'm not going to have this closeness ever again. It is just another slap in my face that this period of my life is over. Now, don't misunderstand me, I'm not the type of mommy who wants my toddler walking up to me asking for mid afternoon snack (if you know what I mean). That just doesn't sit well with me, personally. I guess I'm just trying to hold on to Carlos being an infant- a baby- for as long as possible. And I take great pride in the fact that I, ME, was solely responsible for his nourishment. I worked hard for it. It's not easy. That bonding, well, I just can't come up with the words to describe how beautiful it is. Now Carlos gets so excited when he sees a bottle. Boo.
And let's just discuss the physical sacrifices that I'm experiencing now that I'm no longer a member of La Leche League. Boo for having to buy smaller bras. Boo for my shirts not filling out anymore. Somebody find me a plastic surgeon. I miss my two friends.